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(Name) gave a groan of pain as he collapsed to the floor, blood spilling from his wrist, making the wooden floor beneath him be stained with red. He turned his beautiful (e/c) eyes towards the cause of the deep cuts, a now bloodied green razor that rested innocently in his hands... Green. Just like her eyes. The male stared at the object though her eyes was all he was seeing in his mind. Emerald orbs that would be shining with tears if she saw him in this state, her normal smile would drop to a frown that made (Name)'s heart break. No doubt she'd be on her phone, a tomato charm that (Name) had given her hanging limply as she spoke to 911. Her chocolate brown hair escaping the bun she usually put it in as the Spanish girl would be shaking her head in distress. Carmen was her name, Carmen Carriedo, the girl (Name) loves. The (h/c) boy decided to think back, to dive into memories as he waited for his death or someone to find him. Maybe Carmen or even her step-brother or Julchen and Francine. He began to actually hope they find him as he realized what a terrible choice he made. Well more like choices.
~*~*~*A Year Ago~*~*~*~*~*
You stood in front of your new school, anxiety filling your body as you stared at the large white and blue building. Hetalia High was painted in light blue far above the double doors, the large letters intimidating you.
'I can do this. I'm a man. Just open the door,' you thought as you didn't move a muscle. Oh would your mother laugh if she saw her boy scared of a building, you know, if she were alive, but we'll get to that later.

"Having trouble there? Are you alright?" A voice made you jump and turn around fast, "Woah, sorry if I startled you! Just wanted to know if you were alright."

A boy who looked a little younger than you, a slight tan, golden brown hair and light purple eyes that stared right in your (e/c) ones. He shifted his bright red backpack as he gave you a friendly smile still looking slightly concerned. You also noticed a large scarf-bandanna thing around his head that matched his bookbag, some of the fabric hidden by the bangs.

You nodded your head, feeling a bit embarrassed, "Yeah, sorry. Just nervous, it's my first day here and I'm sort of scared to go inside. I'm (full name), and I'm a sophomore." You extended a (s/c) hand, hoping that you found a friend.

"Hola, (Name)! Oh you are the new kid from (country or state)! I'm Alexander Vera or Alex, and am a freshman," he shook your hand before glancing down at his watch, "We should be going, homeroom starts in about 10 minutes. Maybe we have some classes together, can you show me your schedule as we walk?" You gave another nod as you followed Alex through the doors as he chatted on about classes, people and teachers to watch out for, and his family. You answered his questions, talked about your own background and what was it like in (country or state). Apparently, you had lunch with him, but no other classes. Though, you had all the same as his sister, Carmen, he told you.

Suddenly, the boy stopped and dragged you to a trio of girls about your age. The brunette and albino looked at you as a lion would to his prey.... You were wondering whether to bolt or not in case this is a repeat of nearly being kidnapped last school by girls, until the tan one turned around. Green meet (e/c) and the world seemed to stop, you fought to keep the red from invading your face as Alex ran up and hugged them all before latching onto the girl.

"Hermana! Can you show my friend around? (Name)'s your age and has all your classes! I have to go now, Mr. Edelstein will kill me if I'm late for music again!" Alex spoke quickly, leaving when she gave him a nod, he waved at all you before running off as quick as lightning. Mr. Edelstein must be pretty scary then...

"Oh, lo siento that my brother just dropped you here, well he's really my step-brother, but that teacher already is annoyed with him. I'm Carmen Carriedo, nice to meet you!" She said with a brilliant smile, before the other two came up too.

The albino peered at you with red eyes that bore into your soul, "Hm, you look too innocent for me. Oh vell, I'm zhe awesome Julchen, maybe you will be awesome enough to be mein friend!" She gave you a smirk that seemed mischievous, but under you could feel some kindness.

"Oui, mon ami, I quite agree~ I'm Francine!" She got a rose that appeared from no where and pointed it at you. Not knowing really what to do, you waved uncertainly, "Hello, I'm (Name). I apologize if I'm being a bother, you don't have to show me around, I'll be fine! Anyway, we better go, homeroom starts soon."

Carmen laughed, a sound that was so beautiful to you, "Don't be silly, (Name)! I'll be happy to, now vamos!" And you set off, bolting.
~
Over the year, you guys have grown close, and your love for Carmen grew. Talking to Alex every lunch, helping each other through school, depending on each other. You were even beginning to learn bits of Spanish, German, and French; all was good until your depression came back. That feeling of being sick to your stomach, wanting to cry, wanting to hurt yourself because you thought it was your fault. The feeling of your insides ripping apart, your mind attacking itself.
When you were little, you were playing soccer and the ball rolled into the street. You went after it, forgetting what your parents told you, luckily your mother saw you and pushed you out of the way of a car.... Though she was hit instead; you were only 5. Your father grew awful without the kindness of her, and he blamed you; you grew up in a terrible house until you finally left. Moving away to here, and enrolled in Hetalia High and met her. When you are with her, everything is forgotten. All that bottled up sadness is pushed aside, you only focused on her and the group.

You gradually made more friends, though you loved the BTT and Alex the most. They always got you to pull the razor or knife from your scarred wrists, to remember the happiness you felt with them until Carmen got a boyfriend. It was going to happen, but you always hoped it was going to be you that kissed her, held her hand, make her laugh so wonderfully, smile so brightly. But it wasn't. You avoided them. Darting out from classes, ignoring calls and messages until you threw your phone at the wall and it shattered like your heart. Without the group, the depression worsened, all you heard was insults, things your father had told you. The sight of your beloved mother struck by a car, her pale face and blank eyes. The thoughts always turned to her, her beautiful dark brown hair and sparkling green eyes. The thoughts screamed,
"You weren't good enough."
"She's happy without you."
"Why don't you just die?! Nobody will care! You're a waste of space!"
"FINE," you cried back, "I WILL. THEY WILL BE HAPPY WITHOUT ME!" With that, you set off for the bathroom, locking the (f/c) door behind you.
~
>And that's how this happened. How (Name) was now slumped against the white walls of the bathroom, his wrists dripping with red. No, he didn't want it quick; he wanted to suffer. To feel the pain of bleeding out, to punish himself for something that wasn't his fault. What he didn't know what the two people running to his house, until he heard the banging on the door.

"(NAME), PLEASE OPEN UP!" The female voice he knew so well, it was her. A faint whimper escaped his lips as spots began to blot his sight, 'Help, please. I made a terrible choice... Please.' was all that was on his mind.

"Get out of the way." CRACK. The door flew open as Alex stood in it's place, his purple eyes landing on his friend. They widened in shock, all color from his tan face drained, as Carmen pushed past him, trying to see.

"Hermano, what's wron- NO! (NAME)! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?!" A hysterical Spanish girl now knelt by the (h/c) boy's side, tears falling in rivers, gripping his slit wrists. Green eyes filled with tears as he imagined, though she looked  Her brother could only stare before speaking in a monotone, "Carmen, call an ambulance now. He already lost a lot of blood." Alex knelt down as his sister stood up.<

He ripped off his bandanna, wrapping the long material around (Name)'s (s/c) arms, tying tightly before shouting, "You idiota! The hell were you thinking?! Do you know how worried we were? When you avoided us, we respected your space until we stopped seeing you... IDIOTA, WHY DIDN'T YOU SAY ANYTHING? WHY DIDN'T YOU...tell us..." A large sob cut through his lecture as he began to cry, "Y-you are so selfish! You are like my big brother, I- I always wanted one and you try to leave like my father did years ago. We love you, me, Carmen, Julchen, Francine and all your other friends. Why couldn't you see that?" Carmen could only watch as (Name) wrapped his arms around the sobbing boy, she finished speaking to 911 and hung up, hugging him when her brother let go.

"(Name), why?...Please tell us," she pleaded, staring into (e/c) eyes. "I have depression and my mother died pushing me out of the way of a car. I-I never mentioned it because you guys helped me forget... Until, your boyfriend came along, Carmen... I love you, and it crushed me to see you with him...I'm sorry." He ran his hand though her dark hair, which hung limp and straight. He realized how stupid he was to put them through this pain, but he was too weak already to do anything but stay alive. The bandanna was becoming stained, burgundy seeping and overwhelming the once vibrant red.

"I broke up with him because I was so worried about you and realized I didn't like him at all! I love you too, (Name), mi amor... Lo siento. I always knew, but I was so afraid you wouldn't feel the same," she ran her soft hand through long (h/c) locks, as paramedics rushed in.
~A day later~
"OKAY, I KNOW I AM AN IDIOT, IDIOTA, AND A DUMMKOPF. I LOVE YOU GUYS TOO, AND I PROMISE I WON'T DO THIS AGAIN," (Name) sighed as he tried to hide in the white linen pillows as two furious girls just finished yelling at him.

Julchen glared to hide the tears in her eyes, and shook her head, "I just can't believe you didn't tell us about zhat! Your depression and-" "Your maman too! We're all best friends, we 'elp and support one other. Tell us from now on if you feel like zhat! Or your girlfriend~" Francine shifted from lecturing to teasing as now the boy's face turned red. Though really it was to show the silver lining in all this, and to wipe their tears when (Name) hid his face in the pillow.

"SHUT UP." "Hey, now, now don't act like th- AW YOU LOOK LIKE A TOMATO, HOW CUTE!~" Carmen popped out of nowhere and wrapped her boyfriend in a hug, poking his cheeks. Since then, the monster of depression was finally slain when (Name) found love and support.
Should I put a warning of gore or sensitive content? Anways, I'M SORRY IT'S AWFUL. I DON'T KNOW HOW TO WRITE SUICIDAL STUFF :iconcryforeverplz:

Preview Picture: [link]
Nothing but the story and my OC(Paraguay) is mine. (Yes, I was going to put Male!Me then I was like, "Oh yeah I have a male OC!")
Gracias, for reading!~
Translations-
Hola- Hi
Lo siento- I'm sorry
Mein- My
Oui- Yes
Mon ami- My Friend
Vamos- Let's go
Idiota-Idiot
Mi Amor- My love
Dummkopf- Idiot
Maman- Mom/Mother
Add a Comment:
 
:iconnaturetune:
NatureTune Featured By Owner Mar 15, 2015  Student General Artist
Yep! Depression is HUGE JERK!

Thanx for this fic. I really nead something cheery right now....
Reply
:iconcanadianturtle:
CanadianTurtle Featured By Owner Apr 9, 2015  Student Writer
hope you're feeling better, dear! :heart:
Reply
:iconnaturetune:
NatureTune Featured By Owner 3 days ago  Student General Artist
Kinda. Now i`m switching between Canada`s silence and S. Italy  rants.
Thank You for Your kindness <3
I like Your nickname/login :)
Reply
:iconkillerdonut28:
Killerdonut28 Featured By Owner Mar 5, 2015   General Artist
Who's Alex, I mean, what personification? 
Reply
:iconcanadianturtle:
CanadianTurtle Featured By Owner Apr 9, 2015  Student Writer
sorry im late and for a minute i thought the same thing it's been so long haha
he's my OC for Paraguay, a small country in the heart of South America c:
Reply
:iconkillerdonut28:
Killerdonut28 Featured By Owner Apr 9, 2015   General Artist
Ok. (I know where Paraguay is BTW)
Reply
:iconcanadianturtle:
CanadianTurtle Featured By Owner 16 hours ago  Student Writer
most people do not know, so I added that in case you did not as well.
apologies if I offended.
Reply
:iconkillerdonut28:
Killerdonut28 Featured By Owner 13 hours ago   General Artist
Nah, I understand, bruh.
Reply
:iconrandompervertedotaku:
RandomPervertedOtaku Featured By Owner Jan 23, 2015  Hobbyist Writer
Me: *slaps Andy* 
Andy: the he'll was that for?! 
Me: STAHP BEIN DEPRESSED MUTHERFLUCKER
Andy: WHY ARE YOU BLAMING ME?
Me: because it's funny if seeing you angry.
Reply
:iconjasonvoorheesfan88:
jasonvoorheesfan88 Featured By Owner Jan 15, 2015  Hobbyist Writer
*wipes tear* that was beautiful
Reply
:icondarkness1325:
Darkness1325 Featured By Owner Dec 7, 2014
:iconcryforeverplz:
Reply
:iconlemonysweetness:
LemonySweetness Featured By Owner Nov 7, 2014  Hobbyist Artist
The feels *crying* Cry forever Crying Mako Jake crying plz 
Reply
:iconkhergitleader:
khergitleader Featured By Owner Mar 1, 2015
i know bro *hands over tissue*
Reply
:iconlemonysweetness:
LemonySweetness Featured By Owner Mar 5, 2015  Hobbyist Artist
Thanks *takes tissue* 
Reply
:iconkittykatrocks12:
kittykatrocks12 Featured By Owner Sep 22, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
:iconcryforeverplz: I'm glad they got there in time
Reply
:iconscp-457:
SCP-457 Featured By Owner Sep 13, 2014
Let insanity take the reigns and go for a wild ride
Reply
:icon225cdl:
225cdl Featured By Owner Jun 21, 2014
WAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH [EXO] Kris ''Legit'' Crying Emoticon 
Reply
:iconcanadianturtle:
CanadianTurtle Featured By Owner Jun 21, 2014  Student Writer
haha sorry!
Reply
:iconpeppercat12:
Peppercat12 Featured By Owner May 26, 2014  Student Artist
Why must you hurt me in this way? My feels come back.....
Reply
:iconcanadianturtle:
CanadianTurtle Featured By Owner May 26, 2014  Student Writer
haha sorry! c:
Reply
:iconxxandybiersack:
XxAndybiersack Featured By Owner Apr 4, 2014  Student Writer
That part were it went all depressing my heart strings man I thought Reader-Kun would end up dieing thanks for proving me wrong.. 
Reply
:iconcanadianturtle:
CanadianTurtle Featured By Owner Apr 6, 2014  Student Writer
haha you're welcome! thank you for reading ^^
Reply
:iconbug-sniper:
bug-sniper Featured By Owner Mar 3, 2014
Nice story, very emotional, and a much needed addition to the limited selection of this type of shory.
Reply
:iconcanadianturtle:
CanadianTurtle Featured By Owner Mar 4, 2014  Student Writer
Thank you so much! :D
Reply
:icondarkdaredemon:
DarkDareDemon Featured By Owner Nov 16, 2013
:iconthefeelsplz: :iconcryforeverplz: :iconfemalespainplz: :iconfrenchscreamplz:
Reply
:iconterraareli:
TerraAreli Featured By Owner Feb 7, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
:crying: rvmp Llama Emoji-08 (Crying) [V1] Pikachu Crying Plz Hibiya Amamiya (Cries) [V2] Italy Chibi (Crying) [V4]  THE FEELS DX
Reply
:iconcanadianturtle:
CanadianTurtle Featured By Owner Nov 17, 2013  Student Writer
hehe sorry! 
Reply
:icongurlllllllllllll:
Gurlllllllllllll Featured By Owner Oct 29, 2013
Man you know THE FEELS man THE FEELS 
snif
 
Reply
:iconcanadianturtle:
CanadianTurtle Featured By Owner Oct 31, 2013  Student Writer
haha sorry! c:
Reply
:icongurlllllllllllll:
Gurlllllllllllll Featured By Owner Oct 31, 2013
It's fine and nice storyCutie Thumbs Up 
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:iconcanadianturtle:
CanadianTurtle Featured By Owner Nov 1, 2013  Student Writer
thank you!
Reply
:icongurlllllllllllll:
Gurlllllllllllll Featured By Owner Nov 2, 2013
Your welcome~ Smiley Trollface 
Reply
:iconkennyworshiper:
KennyWorshiper Featured By Owner Jun 6, 2013
FEELS!!!!!!!
Reply
:iconundertaker5:
undertaker5 Featured By Owner Apr 15, 2013
I just want to say that this was one of the best 1-page things i've read on devianArt! Job well done! :)
Reply
:iconcanadianturtle:
CanadianTurtle Featured By Owner Apr 15, 2013  Student Writer
Wow, thank you so much! I'm so happy that it is~ ;w;
Reply
:iconsaiyanscars:
saiyanscars Featured By Owner Feb 26, 2013
If you knew how bad my manic-deppresive disorder can get I doubt you'd be saying I was nice. As a fellow fanfiction writer/aspiring author I know the importance of others liking what you write. Thank you sooo much for writing this it is wonderful!
Reply
:iconcanadianturtle:
CanadianTurtle Featured By Owner Feb 26, 2013  Student Writer
I tell a person on how they talk or act to me, if you're kind to me, then I believe you are kind (unless I see you prove the opposite). I've never really heard of manic-depressive disorder (when I google it, it says it's also called bi-polar disorder, is that right?), but if you hear my thoughts to most people or see me in real life, you wouldn't think I'm nice. It must be hard to live with it and I send all my hugs, kay doll? :heart:
Alas, I don't know you personally so I can't completely tell your personality; I tell on the information presented to me :3 I think you are nice~
Again, I thank you for your praise and give you more hugs :iconsupertighthugplz:
Reply
:iconsaiyanscars:
saiyanscars Featured By Owner Feb 26, 2013
Yeah its also call bipolar disorder. It was really hard when I was younger, heck I once choked a kid in my extreme anger (ironically she is like a sister to me now). And it still is hard, but I work with it. I guess I can be nice. Also, your welcome and I send you hugs back!
Reply
:iconcanadianturtle:
CanadianTurtle Featured By Owner Feb 26, 2013  Student Writer
Dang, choke? Did something like tip you off that day or do you just feel angry? Oh, shoot, am I prying? You don't need to answer if you are uncomfortable!
You have no idea how many people I feel like choking on a daily basis. Or want to hit with my binder. Oh and apparently, a kid had taken to telling me (and many people) that he hates me and that I'm a bitch everyday, I swear I'm going to explode one day...
I'm glad you are now able to cope with it more, doll~:heart:
Reply
:iconsaiyanscars:
saiyanscars Featured By Owner Feb 26, 2013
No no, you're fine it was over something really trivial I feel really really bad about it now, but me and her laugh about it. I know that makes us sound like sadists but we really aren't. I know where you're coming from people piss me off all the time. Most of my coping is due to medications, although medications can only go so far.
Reply
:iconcanadianturtle:
CanadianTurtle Featured By Owner Feb 26, 2013  Student Writer
It's nice that you guys can laugh about it :3 Nah, it doesn't, don't worry ^.^
Haha, tell me about!~
I see... I could never be able to, I'd be whacking people with binders! I have great respect for you being able to cope as like you said medicine can only go so far. You have to be strong to be able to deal with it! :iconclapplz:
Reply
:iconsaiyanscars:
saiyanscars Featured By Owner Feb 26, 2013
Thanks that made my day and since it's night it will probably carry over to tomorrow. You are an awesome girl (I hope you're female otherwise I'm dead haha). You know a former teacher told me that with age comes censoring, and she was right about that. And about that kid don't let him get to you, if he hates you fine more power to him. Plus you and me both know you are not a bitch. Thank you for making me feel good about myself because I have low self-esteem and it's things like that that help boost it. You deserve a Nobel Prize for kindness. And yes I know there is no such thing.
Reply
:iconcanadianturtle:
CanadianTurtle Featured By Owner Feb 27, 2013  Student Writer
Asdfghjkl :iconsnugplz: YOU ARE SO CUTE AND KIND!~:heart: I am a female, so don't worry X3 Thank you, really. You should feel good about yourself: you seem like a kindhearted, strong gentleman ^.^ Thank you for boosting my nearly nonexistent self-esteem, it's nice to know there are some wonderful people:heart::iconmoesmileplz:
Reply
(1 Reply)
:iconsaiyanscars:
saiyanscars Featured By Owner Feb 25, 2013
As a male with depression this hits waaaay to close to home. If my mother died, my dad was a jerk(which he is), and the girl I loved was all over someone else (or vice-versa) it might just drive me to do something like this. This is one of the most powerful things I've EVER read for this reason. I really see myself in the main character's place, I'm sure even if I wasn't a depressed male I could because it is that well-written. As someone said before it has so many feels. In other word I loved every bit of it!
Reply
:iconcanadianturtle:
CanadianTurtle Featured By Owner Feb 26, 2013  Student Writer
WONDERFUL CHILD, COME INTO MY ARMS. :iconifeelyoubroplz::iconsupertighthugplz:
I'm glad I didn't offend, I never had a personally knowledge of depression, only very little. Shoot, you're going to make me cry, you fantastic person. :iconhappytearsplz: Thank you so much, doll~:heart: This was one of my most favorite comments asdfghjk
Reply
:iconsaiyanscars:
saiyanscars Featured By Owner Feb 26, 2013
Why would I be offended? For someone with minimal knowledge of depression you sure write great strories about it. Also your welcome although I'm not sure why you're thanking me I just wrote what was on my mind.
Reply
:iconcanadianturtle:
CanadianTurtle Featured By Owner Feb 26, 2013  Student Writer
:iconohstopityouplz: D'aw, thank you~ I thank because you didn't have to write it and praise me but you did. I thank you because you let me know that somebody liked my story, and your comment made my day! :heart:
Reply
:iconsaiyanscars:
saiyanscars Featured By Owner Feb 26, 2013
Well you're welcome on both accounts then. You should already know someone likes your story, you, and that's all that matters right?
Reply
:iconyour-italian-lover:
Your-Italian-lover Featured By Owner Aug 18, 2013
You know I honestly wish more guys acted like you and me ,like a gentleman you know you are an amazing guy and I congradgulate you good sir .
Reply
:iconcanadianturtle:
CanadianTurtle Featured By Owner Feb 26, 2013  Student Writer
:iconsnugplz:D'aw you're so sweet and cute!~ More people should be as kind as you! :3 You're right, though, it makes me happy when others like it too~ :iconmoesmileplz:
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