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male reader by TheAwesomeOne1234

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January 15, 2013
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(Name) gave a groan of pain as he collapsed to the floor, blood spilling from his wrist, making the wooden floor beneath him be stained with red. He turned his beautiful (e/c) eyes towards the cause of the deep cuts, a now bloodied green razor that rested innocently in his hands... Green. Just like her eyes. The male stared at the object though her eyes was all he was seeing in his mind. Emerald orbs that would be shining with tears if she saw him in this state, her normal smile would drop to a frown that made (Name)'s heart break. No doubt she'd be on her phone, a tomato charm that (Name) had given her hanging limply as she spoke to 911. Her chocolate brown hair escaping the bun she usually put it in as the Spanish girl would be shaking her head in distress. Carmen was her name, Carmen Carriedo, the girl (Name) loves. The (h/c) boy decided to think back, to dive into memories as he waited for his death or someone to find him. Maybe Carmen or even her step-brother or Julchen and Francine. He began to actually hope they find him as he realized what a terrible choice he made. Well more like choices.
~*~*~*A Year Ago~*~*~*~*~*
You stood in front of your new school, anxiety filling your body as you stared at the large white and blue building. Hetalia High was painted in light blue far above the double doors, the large letters intimidating you.
'I can do this. I'm a man. Just open the door,' you thought as you didn't move a muscle. Oh would your mother laugh if she saw her boy scared of a building, you know, if she were alive, but we'll get to that later.

"Having trouble there? Are you alright?" A voice made you jump and turn around fast, "Woah, sorry if I startled you! Just wanted to know if you were alright."

A boy who looked a little younger than you, a slight tan, golden brown hair and light purple eyes that stared right in your (e/c) ones. He shifted his bright red backpack as he gave you a friendly smile still looking slightly concerned. You also noticed a large scarf-bandanna thing around his head that matched his bookbag, some of the fabric hidden by the bangs.

You nodded your head, feeling a bit embarrassed, "Yeah, sorry. Just nervous, it's my first day here and I'm sort of scared to go inside. I'm (full name), and I'm a sophomore." You extended a (s/c) hand, hoping that you found a friend.

"Hola, (Name)! Oh you are the new kid from (country or state)! I'm Alexander Vera or Alex, and am a freshman," he shook your hand before glancing down at his watch, "We should be going, homeroom starts in about 10 minutes. Maybe we have some classes together, can you show me your schedule as we walk?" You gave another nod as you followed Alex through the doors as he chatted on about classes, people and teachers to watch out for, and his family. You answered his questions, talked about your own background and what was it like in (country or state). Apparently, you had lunch with him, but no other classes. Though, you had all the same as his sister, Carmen, he told you.

Suddenly, the boy stopped and dragged you to a trio of girls about your age. The brunette and albino looked at you as a lion would to his prey.... You were wondering whether to bolt or not in case this is a repeat of nearly being kidnapped last school by girls, until the tan one turned around. Green meet (e/c) and the world seemed to stop, you fought to keep the red from invading your face as Alex ran up and hugged them all before latching onto the girl.

"Hermana! Can you show my friend around? (Name)'s your age and has all your classes! I have to go now, Mr. Edelstein will kill me if I'm late for music again!" Alex spoke quickly, leaving when she gave him a nod, he waved at all you before running off as quick as lightning. Mr. Edelstein must be pretty scary then...

"Oh, lo siento that my brother just dropped you here, well he's really my step-brother, but that teacher already is annoyed with him. I'm Carmen Carriedo, nice to meet you!" She said with a brilliant smile, before the other two came up too.

The albino peered at you with red eyes that bore into your soul, "Hm, you look too innocent for me. Oh vell, I'm zhe awesome Julchen, maybe you will be awesome enough to be mein friend!" She gave you a smirk that seemed mischievous, but under you could feel some kindness.

"Oui, mon ami, I quite agree~ I'm Francine!" She got a rose that appeared from no where and pointed it at you. Not knowing really what to do, you waved uncertainly, "Hello, I'm (Name). I apologize if I'm being a bother, you don't have to show me around, I'll be fine! Anyway, we better go, homeroom starts soon."

Carmen laughed, a sound that was so beautiful to you, "Don't be silly, (Name)! I'll be happy to, now vamos!" And you set off, bolting.
~
Over the year, you guys have grown close, and your love for Carmen grew. Talking to Alex every lunch, helping each other through school, depending on each other. You were even beginning to learn bits of Spanish, German, and French; all was good until your depression came back. That feeling of being sick to your stomach, wanting to cry, wanting to hurt yourself because you thought it was your fault. The feeling of your insides ripping apart, your mind attacking itself.
When you were little, you were playing soccer and the ball rolled into the street. You went after it, forgetting what your parents told you, luckily your mother saw you and pushed you out of the way of a car.... Though she was hit instead; you were only 5. Your father grew awful without the kindness of her, and he blamed you; you grew up in a terrible house until you finally left. Moving away to here, and enrolled in Hetalia High and met her. When you are with her, everything is forgotten. All that bottled up sadness is pushed aside, you only focused on her and the group.

You gradually made more friends, though you loved the BTT and Alex the most. They always got you to pull the razor or knife from your scarred wrists, to remember the happiness you felt with them until Carmen got a boyfriend. It was going to happen, but you always hoped it was going to be you that kissed her, held her hand, make her laugh so wonderfully, smile so brightly. But it wasn't. You avoided them. Darting out from classes, ignoring calls and messages until you threw your phone at the wall and it shattered like your heart. Without the group, the depression worsened, all you heard was insults, things your father had told you. The sight of your beloved mother struck by a car, her pale face and blank eyes. The thoughts always turned to her, her beautiful dark brown hair and sparkling green eyes. The thoughts screamed,
"You weren't good enough."
"She's happy without you."
"Why don't you just die?! Nobody will care! You're a waste of space!"
"FINE," you cried back, "I WILL. THEY WILL BE HAPPY WITHOUT ME!" With that, you set off for the bathroom, locking the (f/c) door behind you.
~
>And that's how this happened. How (Name) was now slumped against the white walls of the bathroom, his wrists dripping with red. No, he didn't want it quick; he wanted to suffer. To feel the pain of bleeding out, to punish himself for something that wasn't his fault. What he didn't know what the two people running to his house, until he heard the banging on the door.

"(NAME), PLEASE OPEN UP!" The female voice he knew so well, it was her. A faint whimper escaped his lips as spots began to blot his sight, 'Help, please. I made a terrible choice... Please.' was all that was on his mind.

"Get out of the way." CRACK. The door flew open as Alex stood in it's place, his purple eyes landing on his friend. They widened in shock, all color from his tan face drained, as Carmen pushed past him, trying to see.

"Hermano, what's wron- NO! (NAME)! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?!" A hysterical Spanish girl now knelt by the (h/c) boy's side, tears falling in rivers, gripping his slit wrists. Green eyes filled with tears as he imagined, though she looked  Her brother could only stare before speaking in a monotone, "Carmen, call an ambulance now. He already lost a lot of blood." Alex knelt down as his sister stood up.<

He ripped off his bandanna, wrapping the long material around (Name)'s (s/c) arms, tying tightly before shouting, "You idiota! The hell were you thinking?! Do you know how worried we were? When you avoided us, we respected your space until we stopped seeing you... IDIOTA, WHY DIDN'T YOU SAY ANYTHING? WHY DIDN'T YOU...tell us..." A large sob cut through his lecture as he began to cry, "Y-you are so selfish! You are like my big brother, I- I always wanted one and you try to leave like my father did years ago. We love you, me, Carmen, Julchen, Francine and all your other friends. Why couldn't you see that?" Carmen could only watch as (Name) wrapped his arms around the sobbing boy, she finished speaking to 911 and hung up, hugging him when her brother let go.

"(Name), why?...Please tell us," she pleaded, staring into (e/c) eyes. "I have depression and my mother died pushing me out of the way of a car. I-I never mentioned it because you guys helped me forget... Until, your boyfriend came along, Carmen... I love you, and it crushed me to see you with him...I'm sorry." He ran his hand though her dark hair, which hung limp and straight. He realized how stupid he was to put them through this pain, but he was too weak already to do anything but stay alive. The bandanna was becoming stained, burgundy seeping and overwhelming the once vibrant red.

"I broke up with him because I was so worried about you and realized I didn't like him at all! I love you too, (Name), mi amor... Lo siento. I always knew, but I was so afraid you wouldn't feel the same," she ran her soft hand through long (h/c) locks, as paramedics rushed in.
~A day later~
"OKAY, I KNOW I AM AN IDIOT, IDIOTA, AND A DUMMKOPF. I LOVE YOU GUYS TOO, AND I PROMISE I WON'T DO THIS AGAIN," (Name) sighed as he tried to hide in the white linen pillows as two furious girls just finished yelling at him.

Julchen glared to hide the tears in her eyes, and shook her head, "I just can't believe you didn't tell us about zhat! Your depression and-" "Your maman too! We're all best friends, we 'elp and support one other. Tell us from now on if you feel like zhat! Or your girlfriend~" Francine shifted from lecturing to teasing as now the boy's face turned red. Though really it was to show the silver lining in all this, and to wipe their tears when (Name) hid his face in the pillow.

"SHUT UP." "Hey, now, now don't act like th- AW YOU LOOK LIKE A TOMATO, HOW CUTE!~" Carmen popped out of nowhere and wrapped her boyfriend in a hug, poking his cheeks. Since then, the monster of depression was finally slain when (Name) found love and support.
Should I put a warning of gore or sensitive content? Anways, I'M SORRY IT'S AWFUL. I DON'T KNOW HOW TO WRITE SUICIDAL STUFF :iconcryforeverplz:

Preview Picture: [link]
Nothing but the story and my OC(Paraguay) is mine. (Yes, I was going to put Male!Me then I was like, "Oh yeah I have a male OC!")
Gracias, for reading!~
Translations-
Hola- Hi
Lo siento- I'm sorry
Mein- My
Oui- Yes
Mon ami- My Friend
Vamos- Let's go
Idiota-Idiot
Mi Amor- My love
Dummkopf- Idiot
Maman- Mom/Mother
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:iconlemonysweetness:
LemonySweetness Featured By Owner Nov 7, 2014  New member
The feels *crying* Cry forever Crying Mako Jake crying plz 
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:iconkittykatrocks12:
kittykatrocks12 Featured By Owner Sep 22, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
:iconcryforeverplz: I'm glad they got there in time
Reply
:iconscp-457:
SCP-457 Featured By Owner Sep 13, 2014
Let insanity take the reigns and go for a wild ride
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:icon225cdl:
225cdl Featured By Owner Jun 21, 2014
WAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH [EXO] Kris ''Legit'' Crying Emoticon 
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:iconcanadianturtle:
CanadianTurtle Featured By Owner Jun 21, 2014  Student Writer
haha sorry!
Reply
:iconpeppercat12:
Peppercat12 Featured By Owner May 26, 2014  Student Artist
Why must you hurt me in this way? My feels come back.....
Reply
:iconcanadianturtle:
CanadianTurtle Featured By Owner May 26, 2014  Student Writer
haha sorry! c:
Reply
:iconxxandybiersack:
XxAndybiersack Featured By Owner Apr 4, 2014  Student Digital Artist
That part were it went all depressing my heart strings man I thought Reader-Kun would end up dieing thanks for proving me wrong.. 
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:iconcanadianturtle:
CanadianTurtle Featured By Owner Apr 6, 2014  Student Writer
haha you're welcome! thank you for reading ^^
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:iconbug-sniper:
bug-sniper Featured By Owner Mar 3, 2014
Nice story, very emotional, and a much needed addition to the limited selection of this type of shory.
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